Ahhhh. My sweetest blog. I've left you abbandoned and forgotten for such a long time! Damn, it feels like forever since the last time I was here! ha.
I was about to go to sleep. I was already in my bed with my eyes closed and I was pretty tired. But then, on that time between you going to bed and you start sleeping, I started having random thoughts and one of them was about my oldie blog. Don't ask me how I got there, I don't know either x)) I just remembered. So I thought I'd turn my laptop back on and have a look. See if it still exists, see if I got any reply, look at my old posts, etc.
First thing I notice, was I still remember the password! ahahah, but putting jokes aside, the first thing I see after I login my blog is a shitload of spam bots speaking fucking Indonesian in my chatbox and spamming the whole chat with links to sites that are as useful as the vision of 17 bats.
Second, I notice that I had lots of visitors since last time. I'm so awesome. And third, I giggled and smiled at my old posts. "teeheee" I thought =) I think the funny part of having a blog and updating it often is the fact that you can see your old posts and get a lot of memories back. And think how time flies, the good and the hard times you had...
Basically I will just post whatever I feel like here.
Lots of things happened to me these last few months. Let's see...
I passed all the first trimester subjects in my university! woooooooot!! all 6 subjects :D I'm studying these few days for the final exams of the year for the other 6 subjects for the second trimester. If I can pass them all as well, I can finish my freshman year at university and move on to the next! woooooo! So I gotta give it all now because after these, comes the summer holidays and I will be able to rest. So this is my time to shine!
I am single now. And not sad about it. I learned a lesson from my relationship that ended in a break up. Actually, I learned many things and I feel like the whole experience made me more mature, more thoughtful (in the good way) and less naive. I'm more experienced than ever now and the next relationship I have, I will take into account what worked, what didn't and the lessons I learned from my mistakes from my last relationship. I know that all women are different and therefore all relationships are different but I mean the lessons in general that apply to all (or most) relationships.
I learned one thing. Love can make you blind sometimes. Really really blind. and if you have a stubborn, determined or the "think you're right all the time" personality type, that will cause you a lot of trouble. You will make very stupid things and choices if you really like someone, and some might ruin your life. I didn't ruin my life fortunately but I made mistakes that are unchangable now and will last for the history.
I learned another thing. That blindness you have when you're in love makes it hard for yourself to see when a relationship is wrong for you. You think it's right. You think you're happier with somebody. You think that person means everything to you, you love him or her more than anything. You can't imagine life without him or her. Even people around you tell you that it's not fine the things that you are doing or that are happening in the relationship or in the life that we face everything and is somehow related to our relationship.But we often ignore those people (including our friends and family sometimes) and we enter in denial when we think they are against us and we are the ones who are right. But that's not always the case. Or should I say, it's rarely the case.
After we snap out of it, IF and I said "IF" we can snap out of it, then we realize everything. Blindness is gone, and we realize what we did wrong, the stupid things and choices we did because we were so blinded, the mistakes that are unrepairable, the thoughts we had that could have ruined our life if they became true... but seemed the right thing to do for the relationship and for the one we love...
The most difficult part is breaking up. It might seem horrible and unthinkable when you're in love in the relationship that you just keep that possibility as away as possible. and that's how I learned it. The hard way. And I realized all the shit I did and what I could have done and fortunately I haven't... Thank God it's over. It doesn't hurt anymore now. I feel like the right thing happened. I don't regret my decision and I feel like it's the best that could have happened and it's better this way.
Finally, I learned that life goes on, there are many good women out there, I take my lessons from this and I won't make the same mistakes again and I will try to control and deliberate very well about every move I go and every step a relationship takes. I'm better off on my own. I want to find a girlfriend and hope to find one someday but being alone is not as bad as one would think. It means FREEDOM. No obeying rules, no holding back, no having to waste time with someone, no nothing. you're free to do whatever you want, whenever you want with whoever you want!! ;)
Life goes on!
