I'm hurting.

I'm hurting... Sometimes I just wanna cry, sometimes I just wanna scream. Should I keep going? or just give up? I can't let her know anything about this. She hates me talking about my feelings for her. I have to keep this a secret and it's tearing me apart inside. I feel like I need to vent. How do I make it stop? Enlighten me... Is she really worth this? How much longer do I have to carry on like this?
Imagine... The person you love tells you to shut up about your feelings and to keep them to yourself. I wanna tell her this in the face, but instead I am blogging this up... pathetic.

Give me a sign. A word. Anything =(
Am I the only one who wants this?

 Don't you think about me at all during your day? What's in your head?

Lecz cie...
Kocham Cie tak bardzo...

I just really wanna be next to you. Oh I wish I could feel your touch, your heat, your breathing, your pale white skin. I wanna see your beautiful sparkling blue eyes. I wanna lay down with you and put my arms around your body and you hold me tight. I wanna put my hands on your back and kiss you in the lips and leave you breathless. Give you a hug and feel your heartbeat. I want you. I don't really care about your past, we all did crazy shit we regret one time or another...

Let a geek dream.

Of course I didn't have a chance.

Heartbreaks, broken dreams, wounds, scars.... that sums up the luck I had in love in all my life. I just suck at love. I always pick the one I can't have. I always pick the one who just wants to use me. She's a sexy intelligent and nice babe and I'm a fucking geek. Of course she would say no. And my mother was right. I will live alone and I'll fucking die alone. Of course I didn't have a chance. I knew it from the start. I don't know why I still bother. I have no chance... Fuck it. If it's not her, then I give up. Seriously, the whole concept of "love" already caused me enough trouble and fucked up my life enough. Enough is enough. Fuck it all.

What The Hell Is Wrong With Me?

Time goes by. Now I'm nearly 22 years old (I turn 22 next month) and I noticed something that I have a feeling inside me recently that I never had much before until now. That feeling has been getting stronger and stronger recently. I started to look at women a lot more the past time and now am I actively searching for a relationship. I wish I can find a relationship... but things aren't that easy. There are a few women that I am interested in but they either don't see me the same way I see them, they are far away from me or because I simply don't think a relationship between us would work. I am under a bit of pressure too (although I like that because I can work better, or in this case, study better under pressure) because if I fail one more subject this semester, I will have to stay in my university for another year after next one which should be my senior year. So this is it, a lot will depend on how much I can study and focus on my studies these comming months and how well I can perform on the tests.

If I can finish my degree in the summer of next year, I feel like I would be the happiest person in the world. To achieve something like this has been a result of many adventures, frustrations, happiness, sacrifice and luck. After that, I am quite excited to start doing what I like and entering the labour market.

I am young and full of ambition and I have to make most of this stage of my life. I feel like after I finish my degree, I can trully focus of finding someone that I can spend my life with and that desire has been growing stronger and stronger these past times inside of me. Recently, I am so easy to get a crush on someone, to see someone as interesting or someone I would like to have a relationship with... it's like I can't even control it. In a way I want to to these women better and maybe start a relationship with them now before I lose my chance, but I know I shouldn't do that because I should be someone in life first. But it's getting harder and harder to resist...